Travis McCoy

Introduction.

The leaps that have been made in technology in the past 100 years or so are staggering. We hardly ever think about the fact that only 100 years ago, radio and automobiles were only around 20 years old. It is easy to take these advancements for granted, especially for those of us who have never known a time without our advanced internet. We don’t often realize that the speed and variety of ways that we can communicate with each other over both long and short distances is truly unprecedented.

 No group of people has ever been able to communicate as quickly or as easily as we can today. However, it doesn’t seem to help us feel more connected. Even before the pandemic occurred (although it certainly did not help matters), it seems that people in our culture have been feeling increasingly isolated and alone. 

According to Laurie Santos, a cognitive scientist and psychology professor at Yale University, “some surveys reveal that around 60 percent of people in the U.S. right now report feeling lonely on a pretty regular basis”. This is not a good thing. Not only does it lead to people being in a terrible state of mind but it wreaks havoc on your physical health as well. One study published in the journal POLS Medicine found that loneliness has such far-reaching consequences that the health impact is comparable to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day. It has been shown to be associated with an increased risk of heart disease, depression, and cognitive decline. 

While there are probably many factors that have contributed to this increased and prevailing feeling of loneliness in our culture, I think there are three main reasons why an ever-growing number of people feel that way.

Lack Of Community.

The first thing that seems to me to have had an effect on the social condition of our culture is trading friendliness, hospitality, and good service for speed, efficiency, and cost effectiveness. In order to achieve those things, we have moved away from human interaction as a whole. 

Now, obviously there are factors out of many people’s control at play here. There is the unfortunate reality of the pandemic and the government regulations that required businesses to severely cut back on face to face interactions, causing the removal of humans from the equation when possible to be more cost effective. Also in our current economy where reliable employees are expensive and hard to find, automation makes more sense then it ever has. 

However, the point that I’m trying to make is that having points of contact with other humans in our daily lives is more important than I think most people realize. So many small restaurants and other businesses that have historically held onto that more personal touch have gone out of business due to the pandemic along with people’s desire for speed before quality. 

Just this past week, I walked into a Mcdonalds in Coldwater Michigan. As I walked in, headed towards their kiosk to place my order, I was warmly greeted by a voice coming from the vacant area where the menu and registers used to inhabit, “Good Afternoon, welcome to McDonalds!”. It was an older gentleman, maybe late 60s, just standing there, greeting people as they came in, making casual, polite conversation with patrons awaiting their food, and waving goodbye to people as they left saying “Good to see you, have a great day!”. 

It caught me off guard as I walked in but I appreciated it. It was such a simple thing but his greeting and the short conversation that I had with him while waiting for my food, made the whole experience so much better to me than a typical visit to a fast food establishment. It brightened my day and made me feel like this particular Mcdonalds valued me more then others would have.

 Is that the case? Absolutely not. But It was just a small example of what I think our culture is deprived of. He wasn’t pushy or rude, forcing himself and conversation on people who didn’t want to talk. He was just pleasantly making chit chat with people there and it lifted the entire environment in my opinion.

 I don’t know if he does that all the time, he could just be a slacker that was trying to evade his work. I don’t know and I don’t really care. I just enjoyed it and I think that moving away from those sorts of interactions with real people is causing some of the loneliness that people are feeling these days. There is no more a sense of community in the places that they frequently go or do business in because so much of it has become computer based and automated.

Excessive Screen Time.

Another reason that I think people feel more lonely in our culture is because so much of our lives revolve around screens. The rise of personal entertainment options such as video games, youtube, and other social media, encourages us to relax by binge watching a Netflix series instead of having a picnic or hanging out with friends and family. 

We also tend to communicate a lot via our screens. It is so convenient. We’d rather text and chat with each other through a screen then actually be around the person. Over a device, we have full control of the situation. We can choose when we want to talk, how much we want to talk, and we can say anything we want because we feel secure and hidden behind our screens. We don’t have to actually witness in real time the impact of our words. These methods of communication are good for many things but I would argue that it is a poor excuse for an actual face to face conversation.

 Putting these two truths together has turned what should be a social aid into a social detriment. Instead of seeking ways to meet new people or see friends and family we are content to watch our screens and live in our own virtual worlds. Most of us still find occasions to interact with people, it’s just a lot less than it used to be. Instead of picnics, game nights, and dances, to unwind and enjoy an evening or weekend, most of us opt for scrolling on our phones, watching TV, or “grinding” in our favorite new video game. That has become our normal.

Cultural Division.

The final reason is how divided we are as a culture. It doesn’t matter what side of the political aisle you are on, both sides paint their opposite as the physical embodiment of evil. Watching and listening to the news media will cause you to lose faith in all of humanity when you see the terrible things that occur, and everything is blamed on the “other side”. 

The news media and our leaders condition us to judge each other for everything (Something we are naturally predisposed to do already). No wonder people feel so alone. Everyone is so worried about offending people and people are so ready to be offended. One wrong word and you’ll have everyone at your throat.

 Everybody assumes the worst of everybody else. As if all other people were simply put on this earth to cause them trouble as opposed to remembering that everyone is fallible and chances are it was an innocent mistake or misunderstanding. But we are all to proud to (a) admit when we are wrong or make a mistake and (b) to take the higher road by assuming that the other person made a mistake. We instantly think that they meant to slight us.

 With everyone on edge like this all the time, it is so much harder to cut through that to make friends and form connections. Which means many people simply don’t try which unfortunately, only adds to the problem.

Is There a Cure?

After all that, you may be wondering what can be done about this loneliness epidemic. It seems that the more we try to cure our loneliness by connecting with more people over screens, the more lonesome we feel. Well, I think there is a solution and it is very simple. 

We need to start by humbling ourselves enough to realize that everyone is going to make mistakes. They are going to do dumb things and you cannot control that. All you can do is control your reaction to it and by starting to think better of people, not only will you encourage better behavior with your expectations, but you will encourage social interaction with your more civil demeanor. 

The second thing we can do that it seems to me would help is to detach from screens whenever possible and prioritize in person connections and activities. While watching Netflix in the evening or scrolling Instagram for a while now and again isn’t a bad thing, try to make it a point to change your lifestyle to actively seek out real human connections. Set up a game night with friends and family, start a club or group for a hobby you are interested in, have a picnic on a Saturday evening. 

These sort of events, many people seem to think of as “special events” that have to be carefully planned and done infrequently but that is not the case. Do it often and enjoy it! Be the change you want to see in our culture! When you are waiting in line somewhere, put your phone in your pocket and start a conversation with a stranger, you never know where you could meet a really interesting person or make a new friend. 

If people began to consciously put effort into being more open, respectful, and friendly to the people around them, I think people would start feeling a lot less lonely and a lot more optimistic about the state of our culture as a whole.